Current:Home > MarketsRelationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life -ProgressCapital
Relationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life
View
Date:2025-04-12 18:38:39
Don't text back too soon, or you'll seem desperate. Don't wait too long to text, or they'll lose interest. And don't ever, ever send two text messages in a row.
There are a lot of rules people set for themselves when it comes to the early stages of dating, particularly in an era when dating apps have upended the norms of how most singles meet and mingle.
Many of these self-imposed regulations, however, can actually hinder your chances of finding a healthy romance, according to relationship experts.
"Relationships are contextual," says relationship therapist Kimberly Moffit. "You have to understand the context of your 'situationship' or relationship and use your instincts, as opposed to just always following rules."
Here are some common dating "don't's" that experts encourage daters to let go of:
'Don't text back too soon (or too late)'
Text anxiety has become a staple of online dating. "Am I writing too much? Too little? What if I respond too quickly, and they think I have no life?"
Yes, it's probably wise not to drop everything going on in your life to respond immediately. But you also don't have to feign being busy.
"In dating, someone's going to figure out who you are eventually," Moffit says. "If you're a naturally busy person and you have stuff going on, there's going to be times where you take a few hours to respond and then there's going to be other times where you're there and you get into more of a texting conversation."
Bottom line, she says: Respond when you have time and when it feels natural to do so.
Dating burnout is real:How to find love while protecting your mental health
'Don't date more than one person at a time'
How about: Don't put all your eggs in one basket instead. Celebrity matchmaker and online dating expert Carmelia Ray says there's no need to cut yourself off from other connections if you're still in the early stage of dating someone new, what she calls the courting process.
"It takes a while to get to know somebody, so if you're going to invest all your time in one relationship, and then it doesn't work out, then you're back to ground zero," she says. "It's OK to be hanging out with two or three people to see who is actually consistent, because after a while you'll really know somebody's true colors."
More:How to start a good conversation on a dating app. Online dating advice from relationship experts
'Don't compromise on (superficial) standards'
Moffit and Ray agree: Many daters are far too strict about the type of person they're willing to go out with, leading them to rule out great options over superficial standards like height, location, education level or occupation.
Moffit encourages people to stay open-mind about these things. After all, you could have great chemistry once you meet in person.
"It's a personal decision of course with dating, but I do feel like it just restricts people that if you met them in the wild, you might just really love them," she says, adding you learn more about your attraction to someone from sensory information, such as the way they talk and move, than from information on a dating profile.
More:Videos of long blue text messages show we don't know how to talk to each other
'Don't bring up politics or religion (or anything interesting) on the first date'
Politics, religion and other controversial topics tend to be viewed as off-limits for early dates; however, they're important issues that can reveal someone's values and spark interesting discussion.
Moffit says it's OK to share views that are important to you early in dating, as they can deepen your connection and inspire conversation beyond the typical, 'So, what do you do?' banter.
"People do say things like, 'Avoid politics. Avoid business. Avoid religion. Avoid existential conversations,' " Moffit says. "The best first dates have a lot of deep conversations. How else are you going to get to know somebody and connect if you can't talk about the things that matter to you?"
Plus, if any of these issues do prove to be deal-breakers, isn't it better to be upfront about them sooner rather than later?
"You might have to turn off 80% of people in order to really appeal to the 20% who are the fit," Moffit says.
Are you dating a narcissist?Watch out for these red flags.
veryGood! (346)
Related
- Michigan lawmaker who was arrested in June loses reelection bid in Republican primary
- 'It's gonna be May' meme is back: Origins, what it means and why you'll see it on your feed
- Cher opens up to Jennifer Hudson about her hesitance to date Elvis Presley: 'I was nervous'
- Police officers, guns, and community collide: How the Charlotte house shooting happened
- Mega Millions winning numbers for August 6 drawing: Jackpot climbs to $398 million
- Boston Bruins try again to oust Toronto Maple Leafs in NHL playoffs: How to watch Game 6
- Alaska Senate passes budget differing from House version with roughly $1,580 payments to residents
- Advocates say Supreme Court must preserve new, mostly Black US House district for 2024 elections
- Macy's says employee who allegedly hid $150 million in expenses had no major 'impact'
- EA Sports College Football 25 will have various broadcasters, Kirk Herbstreit confirms
Ranking
- Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear ready to campaign for Harris-Walz after losing out for spot on the ticket
- Asian American Literature Festival that was canceled by the Smithsonian in 2023 to be revived
- Caitlin Clark, Maya Moore and a 10-second interaction that changed Clark's life
- Füllkrug fires Dortmund to 1-0 win over Mbappé's PSG in Champions League semifinal first leg
- Judge says Mexican ex-official tried to bribe inmates in a bid for new US drug trial
- One Tech Tip: How to repair an electric toothbrush
- Correctional officers shoot, kill inmate during transport in West Feliciana Parish
- What is May's birthstone? A guide to the colorful gem and its symbolism
Recommendation
Behind on your annual reading goal? Books under 200 pages to read before 2024 ends
5th victim’s body recovered from Baltimore Key Bridge collapse, 1 still missing
Tension grows on UCLA campus as police order dispersal of large pro-Palestinian gathering
Off the Grid: Sally breaks down USA TODAY's daily crossword puzzle, Juju
Justice Department, Louisville reach deal after probe prompted by Breonna Taylor killing
Biden expands 2 national monuments in California significant to tribal nations
Tom Sandoval, Andy Cohen comment on rumored 'Vanderpump Rules' summer hiatus
Melissa McCarthy reacts to Barbra Streisand's awkward Ozempic comment: 'I win the day'